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March 30th, 2006

06:45 pm - This is what happens when you leave the gas running ! "The world comes crushing down, when you least expect it. Never let your guard down, you won't ever regret it." - Somone famous... Current Mood: creative Current Music: Depeche Mode - Enjoy the Silence

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March 25th, 2006

07:55 am - In A Manner Of Speaking In a manner of speaking I just want to say That I could never forget the way You told me everything By saying nothing In a manner of speaking I don't understand How love in silence becomes reprimand But the way that I feel about you Is beyond words Oh, give me the words Give me the words That tell me nothing Ohohoh, give me the words Give me the words That tell me everything In a manner of speaking Semantics won't do In this life that we live we only make do And the way that we feel Might have to be sacrificed So in a manner of speaking I just want to say That just like you I should find a way To tell you everything By saying nothing Oh, give me the words Give me the words That tell me nothing Ohohoh, give me the words Give me the words That tell me everything Oh, give me the words Give me the words That tell me nothing Ohohoh, give me the words Give me the words That tell me everything Current Mood: touched Current Music: Nouvelle Vague - In A Manner Of Speaking

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March 11th, 2006

07:48 pm - I'm so tired of being a chore! Hello world. I am so freaking tired of being considered a chore by everyone in this house. I swear I can't go on like this, it just sucks so much. And I am even more tired of keeping up this optimistic crap, that good things can happen to me, cause they can't. I am this close to losing it right now,... but, I am ok, I will pull through this, it's not like it's the first time I feel this way. I keep feeling like everyone is doing favours for me, espeically my parents. And even when they don't, I can't even tell anymore, it just feels like it, and I start feeling that EVERYONE even just my friends, aren't really intrested in doing the thigns they want to do with me, like come over, as if they're doing it out of... I don't know pitty, or other reasons, and I KNOW it's not true, but I can't help feeling like that. And people don't even bother asking me what's wrong, they just assume that it's them or that it's something with my health, or that it's something with my brother... but they keep assuming and never ask and it's so... fucked up! And right now I don't know what to do, cause everyone wants to be someplace else, but they will end up staying with me, cause they think they will make me happy by doing so, but they won't. They just end up making me feel bad about myself, like I am this big chore and this big deal that is interfering with their lives. And the really sad thing is, I don't blame them... I don't blame anyone, I blame myself. Right now I feel like crap, and too many things are bohtering me, going through my head... Current Mood: pessimistic Current Music: Death silence

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March 7th, 2006

08:31 pm - Were you thinking of me? Hello world. Apparently I'm not the only one who wonders these things... Yonderboi sings... Were you thinking of me? Oh were you thinking of me, with a love like that? I think about it too, does she love me? With a love like that? ... Just... thinking, wondering... A month or so from now she'll be here, and what about it, what will she be like after all this time? Does she still love me? Did she ever? Love me, love me? Or just love me as someone who is always there for her? And even more confusing thoughts, do I love her? Did I ever, really? Will I now? Have you ever feared something that is coming, just because it could possibly be a good thing? I wonder if I'm the only one, that fears a possible good thing... "How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot, The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd." - Alexander Pope Current Mood: confused Current Music: Yonderboi - Were you thinking of me

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March 5th, 2006

05:33 pm - A good day Hello world. Hey people :) I'm quite cheerful today, Everything seems to be going much more my way. I spent a very pleasant morning with my bro, We watched TV Series, I always like it when someone else watches series with me :) I really hope we get to watch a few more episodes today, if not then some other time this week. I really enjoy it, I truly do, I always liked when other people would do stuff that interests me, and I would just watch and observe and be there. It's something in my nature. Another thing, from this day on I'm gonna start a little tradition of adding a famous (or not so famous) quote to each entry in my Journal. So here you go, for today's quote... one of my personal favorites: "...In all external grace you had some part, but you like none, none you for constant heart..." - William Shakespeare, Sonnet 53. Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Juanes - La Camisa Negra

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March 1st, 2006

09:48 pm - Back from the psychotherapist... Hello world. Here I am again, writing in my Journal. It's evening now, and I just got back from my psychotherapy session. I've been going for 6 weeks now, once a week, in hopes of dealing with my issues. I have a lot of issues to deal with, don't I know it. Fear of being by oneself is my/our major concern now, but that's not my only problem. God I have a lot of problems... It's been a good day, all in all, I felt a bit crappy after falling asleep in the afternoon, but then, I always feel crappy if I sleep at any time that is not at night. I watched my series, as usual... all is as usual. I'm so bored, I wish something would happen in my life... I really do... I hope it'll come soon. Current Mood: bored Current Music: Yonderboi - Were You Thinking of Me

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February 28th, 2006

06:08 pm - First entry... Hello world. Here I am, right here, no one can really see me. I am sitting at my desktop, thinking about the world, thinking about life. Thinking about how calm I was just a few minutes ago, and now all the tension is back now, I can feel it all through my body. Today was a good day, more or less. Nothing much happened, but then, nothing much usually does. I've switched from watching TV to watching the PC screen more times today then I can count. I was thinking about a girl, as always. Not that it helps thinking about her, but I just do, I can't help it. I did absolutely nothing today to be worth mentioning, and yet here I am, starting a Journal. I hope something will happen some day, I hope... I wish... Current Mood: blank Current Music: None

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